I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22!

In this guest blog, An Tâm team member, Hai Anh Le, shares her reflections as a Swiftie and being freshly 22✨

As a hardcore Taylor Swift fan, I always hoped that in a discography full of heart-wrenching, soul-crushing songs, 22 would be the only one I’d ever truly relate to. I imagined waking up on my birthday with the song blasting through my speakers, then spending the day getting ready for the most grand, perfect house party - everyone dancing in their prettiest outfits, laughing wildly, staying up until the clock hit twelve. It felt like the only right way to celebrate being 22.

I know, I know, I know…I was really just replaying the ‘22’ music video in my head. Real life isn’t actually like that, is it?

And it wasn’t. Reality looked very different. On my 22nd birthday, I spent the day with my best friends, wandering around Brunswick - drifting in and out of op shops, craft stores, and cafés along Sydney Road. We went to an exhibition, then ended the day sipping bubble tea on the balcony of Hamer Hall, looking out over the Melbourne skyline. Although it wasn’t the extraordinary party I had once imagined for myself, I still had fun all the same.

But why did I still feel a bit disappointed that I missed out on the pure, effortless joy that the song 22 had always promised me? 

Such a core, yet frustrating aspect of being young is constantly feeling like you’re not where you’re meant to be. I realised that not having a huge, cinematic celebration didn’t mean I was falling behind or doing 22 “wrong.” In fact, I had friends who cleared a regular weekday weeks in advance unprompted. I received presents that reminded me how deeply my friends know me. My parents tried ordering a cake for me, even when they lived a million miles away. At the end of the day, it dawned on me that maybe the version of 22 I had been dreaming about was never what I truly wanted to begin with. Coming to this realisation felt more like turning 22 than any party I could have had.

When I really think about it, I had everything I could have wanted: a fair-weather day (so rare in Melbourne!) doing my favourite things with my favourite people. Nothing really beats that.
And maybe, this long-winded reflection is just me trying to reassure myself that although I might sometimes feel like I’m not where I need to be, I also have so many things to be grateful for, and to be proud of. I could go on about the nuances of turning 22, but I think it can be summed up perfectly by this lyric: “We’re happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way.” I’ll leave it up to you to guess whom I’m quoting.

Hai Anh Le