I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22!

In this guest blog, An Tâm team member, Hai Anh Le, shares her reflections as a Swiftie and being freshly 22✨

As a hardcore Taylor Swift fan, I always hoped that in a discography full of heart-wrenching, soul-crushing songs, 22 would be the only one I’d ever truly relate to. I imagined waking up on my birthday with the song blasting through my speakers, then spending the day getting ready for the most grand, perfect house party - everyone dancing in their prettiest outfits, laughing wildly, staying up until the clock hit twelve. It felt cinematic. It felt like the right way to celebrate being 22.

I know, I know, I know… I’m really just replaying the ‘22’ music video in my head. Real life isn’t actually like that, is it?

And it wasn’t. Real life looked very different. On my 22nd birthday, I spent the day with my best friends, wandering around Brunswick - drifting in and out of op shops, craft stores, and cafés along Sydney Road. We went to an exhibition, then ended the day sipping bubble tea on the balcony of Hamer Hall, looking out over the Melbourne skyline. It wasn’t the extraordinary party I’d once imagined for myself, yet somehow, I still had fun all the same.

So maybe my 22nd birthday didn’t look like Taylor’s 22 - but the lyrics captured the feeling perfectly: “We’re happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way.” I truly went through a rollercoaster of emotions on my birthday, both laughter and tears, but also this quiet, lingering uncertainty that comes with turning a new age. I felt free, like my life was finally mine to shape, and at the same time, strangely alone in that freedom.

Such a core, yet frustrating aspect of being young is constantly feeling like you’re not where you’re meant to be. I felt a bit disappointed that my 22nd birthday wasn’t extravagant, and that I didn’t feel the pure, effortless joy that the song 22 had always promised me.

Looking back now, a part of me still wishes that my future birthdays might be bigger and more spectacular. But I’m also deeply grateful for how this one turned out. I had friends who cleared a regular weekday weeks in advance unprompted. I received presents that reminded me how deeply my friends know me. My parents tried ordering a cake for me, even when they lived a million miles away.

When I really think about it, I had everything I could have wanted: a fair-weather day (so rare in Melbourne!) doing my favourite things with my favourite people. Nothing really beats that.

And maybe this whole, long-winded reflection is just me trying to reassure myself that although I might sometimes feel like I’m not where I need to be, I also have so many things to be grateful for, and to be proud of.

Hai Anh Le