Always keeping busy… but at what cost?
"Hey! How have you been?”
"Good… Busy!"
Sound familiar? I’m definitely guilty of this. It's become the default answer when people check in, and if we're honest there's something almost reassuring about saying it.
If we interrogate why, often being busy means:
Being “productive” (in quotation marks on purpose)
Being needed
We must be doing something right! The hustle is respected, after all
But I want to sit with that for a moment, because I think it’s worth a closer look.
Once upon a time in my corporate life, busy was worn as a proud badge. Everyone was so busy - comparing how much weekend work they had, or how many meetings they have in a day. We were all figuring out whether our work projects were a marathon or a sprint, and were just waiting for the time these projects would end - to then be put “on the bench”. Finishing your projects often represented a reprieve, a chance to catch up on other work you didn’t get around to… but you never wanted to be "on the bench" for too long. Despite the fact that it represented the promise of finishing work on time, I never met anyone who was actually happy once they were on the bench. Instead, it looked like productive people looking far and wide for some work, and people who were antsy, waiting to be useful again.
Our value and worth often gets measured in output - how much you can squeeze in a day. And this pressure comes from so many directions: there are our parents and grandparents who may have been in situations where there was no other option but hard work for over 8 hours a day; societal attitudes that value having something to show for your efforts - whether it’s a physical product or something tangible to prove that you really have been busy!
I should say, I'm not here to criticise the productive busy bees among us – it really is a beautiful strength and I deeply admire the people who can get so much done! (I may or may not have had the to-do item of “get car serviced” for 3 months hehe)
But every strength has its optimal zone. Beyond that point, an overplayed strength becomes a weakness. There’s a clear optimal zone for being action-oriented (aka getting things done), but beyond the optimal zone, it can become a weakness. When you just can’t sit down, be still and you don’t know how to relax, this overplayed strength has become a weakness that isn’t quite helping you.
When we become too good at doing, we forget how to stop.
We forget how to just be.
And the cost of that? We start to miss things; be on autopilot and forget to live life, we forget to turn off the default mode of powering through and waiting for hard things to pass. Our day might be filled with 1-2 big things, but a whole bunch of small things. It could be: the warmth and richness of your first sip of coffee (or matcha) in the morning, a moment of quiet before the house wakes up and the sun comes up, or how nice it feels to be snug and cozy in your bed with the electric blanket / throw as you prepare to sleep. These “tiny” pleasures are available to us every day, but when our minds are already three steps ahead, we're not actually there to receive them. Life becomes a never-ending to-do list rather than something you’re really experiencing moment-to-moment.
Do any of these sounds familiar to you?
You can't sit still, even when you’ve decided it’s time to rest
When you do slow down, your mind is already running through the next list of things to do
Sometimes the mental chatter follows you into sleep
If you're nodding – you're not alone. And it’s not a bad thing! You've just optimised so hard for doing that simply being has become unfamiliar.
So what's the antidote?
Come back to the present moment.
Simple to say. Much harder to do. And there may be layers to work through before this feels natural and achieveable. There may be habits, beliefs, and rhythms that need gentle reworking before it feels nice to be still.
But here's a suggestion for a small place to start: brushing your teeth.
Yes - that’s right! Take a look at what that moment is actually like for you. Are you rushing through it to get to the next thing? Scrolling on your phone at the same time? Are your shoulders tight, raised up near your ears – a sign that even this isn't easy and restful?
What if, just in that moment, you slowed down, and really did one thing at a time? No phone, no wandering mind, just actually looking and being aware of the teeth that are being brushed. Just being present.
It sounds almost too small to matter. But presence is a practice, and every practice has to start somewhere.
The present moment is always available to you. We just need to remember how to return to it. This is how we switch off the autopilot at the end of each day and come back to living life and the small pleasures.
If any of this resonates - the inability to switch off the brain, the fidgety restlessness and struggle to slow down - these are things worth exploring. Feel free to book a free 15 min call if you're curious about what therapy could look like for you.